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  • WHY do you want what you want?

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    “CHANGE IS NEVER A MATTER OF ABILITY. IT IS ALWAYS A MATTER OF MOTIVATION”-Tony Robbins

    So, here we are at the brink of a new beginning. We are inundated with messages of resolutions and self improvement. Many of us follow along and set some goals and then look back at them in frustration when, after a few months have gone by, we notice we have done little to achieve them.

    Well, I encourage you to try a new approach.

    Why do you want those goals in the first place?

    That’s the most important question you can ask yourself when you are goal setting or looking to change something be it a bad habit, a relationship, your career…”why?”. Why do you want it to be different?

    Here’s the trap…a lot of us will answer with “because I don’t want to feel ___ anymore”. In most cases, that answer pretty much insures that the change you want won’t happen.

    Our brains are hard wired to “go towards things”. Particularly, things that make us feel GOOD. That’s pretty obvious, I know. But if you want to change something, you have to focus on how you WANT to feel when you have achieved that change. Not on how you don’t want to feel.

    For example:

    I want to lose weight.
    Why?
    “Because I hate the way my body feels in my clothes”…is the trap.
    Instead maybe you can answer:
    “Because I want to feel fabulous and confident in my clothes, I want to have more energy”…etc

    Another example:

    I want to earn more money
    Why?
    “Because I’m sick of living paycheck to paycheck”…is the trap.
    Instead, maybe you answer:
    “Because I want to take a vacation, get my car cleaned, go out with my friends”…etc

    Another example:

    I want to get a better job.
    Why?
    “Because my boss is an asshole and my life is being flushed down the toilet”…you can clearly see the trap there!
    Another answer?
    “I want to tap into my natural talents at work, I want my work to be fulfilling and soul affirming”…etc

    You get the point. You have to phrase your desires in “moving towards” language. And then, focus on THAT rather than focusing on what you DON’T want to feel. Focussing on what you WANT moves you forward and brings you closer to actually getting it.

    It also elicits the energy required to receive that which you want. This is not new age “woo hoo”, it’s basic physics. Low vibrational energy attracts low vibrational energy. And, high vibrational energy attracts high vibrational energy. So, focusing on what’s wrong, what’s not working…low energy thoughts…will attract more of that energy. The same is true for higher energy thoughts. Thoughts of enthusiasm, gratitude, and vitality attract more of those high energy vibrations. The old saying “ What you focus on, expands” is not self help jargon. It’s a law of physics.

    And if I was breaking a habit or embarking on a new career, I’d be harnessing all the high energy I could! I’d want the law of physics on MY side.

    By reframing your goals from “moving away from” (low energy) to “moving towards goals” (high energy), you can effectively get the energetic world on your side. Which leads to: better results more efficiently and with greater ease.

    If you want support as you go for your New Year’s resolutions and goals, get in touch and we’ll get to work on them together.

  • How AWESOME are you?

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    How AWESOME are you?…how flooding good feelings helps build momentum with your actions
    We are almost to the end of the year. That means celebrations, catching up with friends and family, and for some of us, it’s a time to reflect on the past year as well.

    If you are looking back at the year, notice where you are placing your attention? Many of us zero in on where we fell short. Maybe you didn’t lose the weight, book the gig, find a partner, etc. Maybe some of your dreams didn’t become a reality this year…

    First of all, I’m yet to meet anyone who ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISHED EVERYTHING they wanted to do! So, we’re all in the human race and we all get side tracked sometimes. Cut yourself some slack.

    But more importantly, in reflecting on the year…where were you AWESOME? When and where did you kick ass? When were you hilarious, grateful, supportive, intuitive? When were you freaked out but courageous anyway?

    Make this list of awesomeness LONG. Riff on all the great things you did, experienced, and created. Include the times you laughed so hard you almost peed your pants. All the goodies…reflect on them all.

    Now, flood yourself with these great feelings. In other words, jump from great memory to great memory like the waves of the ocean. Remember one time, then another time, then another, then another…Let the good feelings literally flood over you and take you over completely. For the next week, do this for at least 3 minutes every day.

    Aside from giving yourself a serious boost of self esteem and kick ass mojo (which should be reason enough!), this practice creates more neuro-pathways based on positive results and responses. In other words, you are not only training your brain to look for more ways to feel good, you’re programming it to take more actions to feel good. Practicing this daily, is a quick and easy way to add momentum to your goals. (and the more you practice this, the more great memories will pop up!)

    So…How friggin’ great are you???

    Write it out. Post it where you can see it. Keep adding to it as more great things show up.

    Own Your Awesomeness.

  • procrastination…what are you really committed to???

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    We all procrastinate sometimes. After all, work is called “work”, not “play”.

    Sometimes our procrastination is a signal to shift gears and reevaluate our goals. And if that’s the case, we usually feel it in our gut. Maybe it’s telling us to rethink a goal we may have set, or a job we’ve signed up to do. This is a healthy form of procrastinating and it’s a signal to stop and rethink.

    But, some of us are sabotaging our dreams by letting procrastination run amuck. If you are procrastinating on something you are passionate about… writing a script, getting an agent, building a website… then you are sabotaging yourself.

    Oddly enough, you likely have very good reasons to avoid taking action. The problem is, you don’t know what those reasons are. Your subconscious fears are running the show. Getting to know your personal sabotage “signature” is your biggest weapon to self defeating urges.

    So, how do you figure out what beliefs you are being ruled by?

    Ask. Ask a lot. Ask, ask, ask.

    I had a client who was concerned about starting a new business. From personal experience, I will tell you that starting any new venture is time consuming and offers no guarantees. This is why many people are happy managing say a Peet’s vs opening their own coffee shop. Going your own way takes money, courage, and a shit-load of energy.

    So, he had reasons to be nervous. But he’d done the research, had a good financial plan, and for all intents and purposes, it looked like a risk that would be worth taking.

    Yet he stalled. And avoided. And got distracted…

    So I asked:

    “If the worst case scenario were to happen, what would that mean to you?”

    He said he’d lose a substantial amount of money.

    “And then what would happen?” I asked

    “I might have to move, I might have to get another job, I’d be pretty broke”

    “And then what would happen?”

    “Take out a loan…if I could…”

    “And if you couldn’t take out a loan, then what?”

    “I guess I’d have to ask my father to help me out”

    “And then what?

    “He’d see that he was right. I’m terrible at business and should have just followed in his footsteps instead.”

    “And then?”

    “He’d think I’m an embarrassment to the family.”

    BINGO!!!!

    He was procrastinating because he believed that if he failed, his father would be ashamed of him. Now THAT is a very scary thought for most of us. As “grown up” as we all are, most of us still don’t want to let our parents down. And nobody wants to feel like a cause for family shame.

    No wonder he was avoiding going for it fully. His identity and self esteem were at stake. He was MORE COMMITTED to keeping his self esteem intact and not upsetting his father. After realizing that, he could then acknowledge to himself that win or lose, he wasn’t going to incur the shame of his Dad. Taking action became easier and easier until his business was up and running. When he caught himself backsliding, he asked himself the same questions I did…and asked and asked until he got to the real reason for his self sabotage. Which then he could then conquer fairly easily.

    So why are you stalling on your dreams? What would happen if you failed? And then what? And then? And after that, what would happen?…

    Dive into the rabbit hole head first and figure out what you are really committed to. If you are procrastinating, you are afraid of something. And, you are more committed to avoiding that pain than achieving your goal.

    Once you figure that out, you can choose to override it and take the necessary actions to achieve your success. And when you slack off or stumble, get curious. Ask and ask until the truth comes out. If you want to defeat the dragon, you have to look it in the eye first. And your dreams are worth fighting for.

    (If you need more help with this issue, please, get in touch and we’ll get to work.)

  • Meditate your way to new healthy habits …“but I suck at Meditation!”

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    Change is hard. Even when we know it will benefit us in the long run, we still resist it with all we’ve got. Whether its cutting out fast food, learning a new skill, hitting the employment sites to get a new job…the desire to bail is often greater than our desire to go for it.

    And there are plenty of reasons for this. Mainly, your whole psyche is geared around keeping you safe. Survival is essential. Change means instability and our bodies and minds will fight that at all costs. Also succeeding at survival is more likely when we can react quickly and without hesitation…the opposite of what it takes to stick with and create a new behavior.

    This is why we need to become aware of our thoughts, our physical sensations, even our breathing patterns, to override this resistance to change.

    And, just five minutes a day of meditation can be your biggest weapon against your instinct to play it safe.

    It sounds too good to be true, right? Don’t take my word for it. Google “scientific tests on five minute mediation” and see all the studies that pop up. Study after study has shown the benefits of meditation from getting over addiction to getting better grades.

    “But I suck at meditation!” you say. Actually, the “worse” you are, the better for creating lasting change.

    Meditation is nothing more than being still and paying attention. Focusing on ONE thing, be that music (the link to my fave meditation tracks are below), your breathing, a fixed place on the horizon… You can focus on a word or a color if you want. Just choose something to focus on and then, sit still.

    Likely, you’ll be able to focus for about 15 seconds before your mind wanders. You are not failing at meditation! THAT’S NORMAL. THATS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. But the next step is what makes meditation so beneficial. The moment you notice you’ve stopped paying attention to the music, etc, let go of whatever thought has pulled you away from your chosen focus. Just drop the thought that pulled you away, and come back to your breath, music, etc. This releasing and returning will happen repeatedly. And that is how you override your desire to stay safe. Notice the thoughts that grabbed your attention, and return to your focus..

    When you practice this form of meditation, you are training your brain to react differently to urges and impulses. For example, if you’re a smoker, you may not notice that a commercial for beer or coffee trigger you to reach for a smoke. If you’re chronically late, you may not notice that you’re choosing to send just one more email before heading out for your appointment. If you are a procrastinator you may not notice that you actually feel more committed to goofing off than getting to work. (Which is usually the case with procrastinators…stay tuned for a separate newsletter about that topic)

    By becoming aware of our thoughts while meditating, we can more easily notice our “unconscious” thoughts, habits, and behaviors in our daily activities. Armed with this information, we can begin to consciously change. So, for the smoker trying to quit, they may have to avoid watching TV at night for a few weeks. Tardy people trying to be more accountable may choose to put their smartphones in their backpack 15 minutes before they want to leave the house. Procrastinators might be able to acknowledge their desire to slack off but not be pulled into that desire. They will be able to make the conscious decision to get to work.

    Change requires HUGE amounts of focus, attention, and willingness. Training your mind to be effective at noticing your thoughts, and then letting them go, is crucial to creating lasting change.

    And it starts just with five minutes a day.

    (And I coach people with this all the time so if you want extra help getting a meditation practice started…fire me an email and we’ll set up a session.)

    And my personal fave meditation music: THALLEE link