By now, most of us are pretty aware that the reason we self sabotage is because of our fears. And, we can rattle off those fears fairly easily. They usually fall along the lines of: fear of embarrassment, rejection, being vulnerable, getting hurt, etc.
But those are just the generic labels. Those words give us no deeper knowledge or understanding of what’s really stopping us from taking risks.
The real question is, what’s behind your fear? Said another way, what do your fears mean to you?
Let’s say you’re afraid of embarrassing yourself. We ALL are afraid of that! But my reasons for fearing embarrassment and your reasons could be completely different.
Maybe, in my family, embarrassment led to endless teasing and criticism. Then fearing being embarrassed would actually mean fearing feeling bullied or ostracized. Those feelings carry much more pain than the label ‘embarrassment’.
Maybe in your family embarrassment led to punishment or harsh feedback. Then embarrassment to you could mean feeling worthless, stupid, or like a total failure. Again, a very painful outcome and worth avoiding.
So we have to ask ourselves, what does our fear mean to US?
Be gentle when you ask yourself this question. I suggest sitting down with your journal (writing this out might help you get more specific) and taking a moment to put your hand over your heart. And then, ask your heart…what is it afraid of, really? What do those fears MEAN?
When you were a child and you felt embarrassed or vulnerable or rejected, etc…what was said to you and how were you treated? What meanings did you derive from your family’s reactions?
The more specific you can be about what’s behind your fear, the more easily you’ll recognize it when it’s being triggered.
To take any risk you have to manage your fear. The best way to do that is to get underneath it and see the real reasons for your fears.
Knowing your truth is where you find your courage.
“Clarity is the most potent form of power available to us.” – Daniel LaPorte
So, when your fear gets triggered, take a moment and ask your heart:
What is this really about? What does this fear mean to ME? Think back to your childhood and get specific about the meaning behind your fears.
And I’m here to support you with this if you need help. Get in touch and we’ll set up a time to dig deep together.
And as always, retweet, repost, and share with your friends.