certified Life Coach
Nobody likes being rejected. Yet every single one of us will face it at some point. And the more risks you take, your odds of being rejected will go up too. The bigger the risk, the bigger the possible set backs…but also, the bigger the win.
So how do we ‘manage’ rejection so it doesn’t stop us in our tracks?
We can start by being honest about it and then using the rejection as a push forward.
The ‘honest’ part of it is two-fold. Not everything is for everyone. And nobody is loved by 100% of the people. Everyone has their specific likes and dislikes. So you will always have those people who just won’t accept you, your projects, your humor, whatever, regardless of what you do.
Next, ask yourself if you have anything to learn from the rejection. Sometimes there is a nugget of good feedback in being rejected. This is not an opportunity to beat yourself up! This is a chance to step back, put your ego aside, and see if you could have done things differently and if that would be an improvement.
Then, ask yourself, “What’s next?”. By asking yourself this question, you are redirecting your brain to look for new things to do rather than staying stuck licking your wounds.
Get in the habit of asking yourself that question every day. The first thing that will happen is you’ll notice you’re getting more done! But more importantly, you’ll already be in the habit of pivoting away from what stops you and towards what you can actually do about it. Cuddling up to ‘feeling sorry for yourself’ cannot exist if you are in creation mode.
So, when you get hit with rejection, remember…nobody wins 100% of the time. Ask, “Is there anything I can learn from this?”. And finally ask yourself, “What’s next?”. And then go do it!
If you’re working on something you want support with, please do not hesitate to get in touch.
And remember, retweet, repost, and forward this to a friend.
‘If there is something you really want, you are going to have to work really hard, take advantage of opportunity, make some mistakes, be patient, and above all never give up.’ – Jane Goodall
And I would add to that, are you prepared for the life you say you want?
If your dreams actually came true…would you be ready for what your life would look like?
Who doesn’t want to win power ball? Think of what those millions could get you. But, what do you know about managing millions of dollars?
A lot of people wish they were famous. But, I suspect when the reality of fame came along, they wouldn’t be prepared for the life fame brings.
Success comes to those who are prepared. Which often means a lot of hard work with little pay off…for quite some time.
I’m not talking about the “struggle” mentality meaning, where ‘everything is a struggle’. No, nobody wants that!
But ask any successful entrepreneur or artist if was easy getting to where they are today? I guarantee they will tell you it took a LOT of work. I mean a LOT of work. But they will also say it was worth it, now that they are living their dream.
Let me share a personal story about working hard and succeeding in the end.
I’m originally from Canada and when I was in my 20’s I wanted further my acting career by moving to the US. But I had no working papers so even if I booked a job, I couldn’t do it.
So, on one of my trips to LA I met with an attorney who told me exactly what I would need to do to get a green card. I did what she told me and eventually, yes, I got my green card! Unbeknownst to me though, I was actually following Jane Goodall’s advice from the above quote.
Hard work? I asked every PR person from every show I’d done, for a copy of all the press they had on their shows. That included international press from Europe, etc. (this was before the internet so that meant snail mail) It took about six months of constant work to collect all the press I needed.
Whenever my friend (the Producer from a show I was on at the time in Canada) met with anyone in LA, I asked him if I could also meet with them and convince them I was worthy of a letter of recommendation. I almost always walked away with a “yes”. So, I was looking for opportunities to beef up my case for my attorney.
Mistakes? Sure, I made mistakes. I ran out of money for a while (had to work as a janitor in a children’s acting school) because I didn’t calculate the exchange rate from Canadian to American money. I also didn’t ask about other fees I would need to pay for down the road as the approval precess began. But, this mistake helped too because then when I DID move to LA, I could more easily calculate my real costs of living in the states. I was preparing for the life I was intending to live.
Patience? Well, I was dealing with the government…which moves at the pace of molasses so yes, I had to wait a long time for my hearing.
And…I didn’t give up.
In hindsight I’m amazed at how determined and absolutely ballsy I was! And I can cite many more times I’ve approached my goals with this same mindset…starting my own business, co-producing a movie, getting my Pilates certification, setting up my own etsy shop…etc, etc.
Anything worthwhile that I have accomplished has been through this same formula.
So in terms of achieving our desires, we have to ask ourselves if we are willing to put in the work it will require? Are we willing to risk making mistakes while creating opportunities? Are we in it for the long haul?
If you need help refining your plans, get in touch and together we’ll figure it out. And remember to share, retweet, repost…and don’t give up!
You’ve heard it over and over: “Like energy attracts like energy”…in other words, focus on the negative and you are sure to experience more of it.
yes, that is true when you are visualizing an outcome or a goal. Focussing on the negative will only prompt your brain to create more of that negativity. This is why I always say, when setting goals, clearly state them in terms of moving FORWARD. For example, you are not losing 10 pounds because you are sick of feeling gross…you are losing 10 pounds so you can feel awesome in your clothes. The first example is reflecting on what is not working, whereas the latter creates images in the mind of something positive to move towards. And our visual minds follow whatever image we put in front of them…so, dwell on what you DO want.
However, when it comes to making decisions, forming partnerships, launching projects, etc, having a clear look at what you don’t want will point you very clearly and quickly in the direction of what you do want. Polarizing your plan is an excellent decision making tool.
For example, let’s say you are producing a play. What don’t you want? Likely, you don’t want actors showing up late, set builders and stage managers not keeping their agreements, thus ending up having to do all the work yourself.
Now spin it to the positive. What does what you don’t want mean? For example, if you don’t want to work with people who are chronically late, then maybe you want to work with professionals who do keep their agreements and actually have a track record of getting things done. And maybe you want a more, collaborative team so its easier to delegate. Do you see how flipping the negative to the positive gives you a clear roadmap as to who you will work with?
You can use this for all your decisions.
Let’s say you are wanting to take a yoga class. Being clear will help you enjoy it more. If you’re like me, you likely don’t want to leave feeling sore and needing a nap! So then how do you want to feel? Connected to your body in a positive way and more energized than you were before class? Sounds good to me! Having that clarity will help you choose the time, the instructor, and type of class you’re going to take.
And, when you make the big decisions…buying a house, starting a new business, creating a project involving multiple partners…you can use this clarity tool to ensure you are gathering the right people to help you see your vision come true. This also helps you spot the red flags…the gut feeling you have about certain people. Likely they are exhibiting something from your “don’t want” list.
“Start the way you want to finish” is not just an old saying, It is absolutely true when starting something big. Choose your team wisely…by knowing what you want and what you don’t want.
So again, list clearly all the things you do not want. Then, spin that list to the opposite…what you DO want? Get clear on THAT list, and then go find your team!
And if you liked this…forward it, retweet it, repost it…share it!
“what do I want to be when I grow up?”
I don’t know about you but I wanted to be one of “Charlie’s Angels” and definitely a part of the Jackson Five.
Obviously, neither of those things happened (…yet). So now we flash forward into being grown ups and for some of us, this question is still left unanswered. But, in my opinion, we’re asking the wrong question. The problem with focussing on what we want to “be” is that it stops us from acknowledging that what we really want is to FEEL a certain way. How will you FEEL when you achieve your goals? Why do you want what you want?
So the real question we should be asking ourselves is, “who do I want to grow into in this lifetime?” The truth is, a quality life is less about our achievements and more about our personal growth as we navigate our road to success.
Ask any successful person about how they felt when they achieved their goals. They will tell you that yes, achieving their success felt great! But they will also likely say, they were just as happy while working towards and striving for their goals. I’ve seen this time and time again with artists, entrepreneurs, and business people. They work hard and enjoy their success, yes. But then, they are soon setting a new goal to challenge themselves once again. Because successful people actually enjoy the process as much as they enjoy the results.
So, what are your goals these days and more importantly, who will you become as you work to achieve them?
Think about a goal you are passionate about…
What would your life look like on the road to that success? Who would you meet and how? Who would you have to seek out and recruit? Who would help you and how would you ask for that help? What would you have to learn? From whom? How would you get paid and who would you have the pleasure of paying, once the money started rolling in? What would you have the pleasure of buying for yourself and others?
What would your breakthroughs say about you?
Do you see a pattern emerging? Your answers to the above questions will steer you more clearly in the direction of how you want to live your life. Armed with this level of clarity, you have a clear roadmap as to how you want to feel on a daily basis. Meaning, you can feel that way NOW rather than waiting until you achieve your goals!
For example, I met a guy in Vancouver who was a ticket agent for Delta airlines. Probably not the most fun job in the world when you think of how many angry travelers you’d have to deal on a daily basis.
On this particular day, I had just taken a seat in the waiting area when he came on the speaker system to say “Hello my waiting passengers! I know you are admiring the beauty of the Vancouver International Airport so I have good news! You get to enjoy another 20 minutes of it! We will now be boarding at 2:45.”
All of us passengers looked at each other and laughed. (How often do you laugh at airports?!?)
Then, when boarding was to begin, he introduced himself as “Greg, your master of ceremonies…and these two ladies (gesturing to his co-workers) are my mistresses of ceremonies. Please have your passport ready when boarding.” Again, more laughter from all of us.
Our master of ceremonies then said “children and passengers needing assistance could board the plane.” At that point, a bunch of first class passengers jumped up and got in the line. He stared at them for a second, then, over the microphone asked, “are you all jumping into line because you behave like children and therefore need assistance?”
We all are laughing at this point. Even the obnoxious first class people laughed and even apologized.
It doesn’t end there! Once we were all on the plane and waiting to push back from the gate…Here comes Greg again over the loudspeaker. This time, he told us a funny rhyme, wished us all a safe journey, and said goodbye. To which we all responded…”Bye Greg!” (Have you ever remembered the name of the ticket agent you passed when boarding a plane?!)
This guy was clearly not waiting to achieve his goals before he started sharing what he was passionate about. Obviously he is a comedian or an actor or a comedy writer…But, he’s not waiting until he sells his script to hear people laugh at his jokes. Nope, he’s turned his day job into yet another area to share his humor. (And, when Delta sent me their survey on my experience, you can imagine who I mentioned as an outstanding employee!)
So, how can you approach your goals with this kind of passion? How can you enjoy the ups and downs along the way?
DO NOT WAIT until you achieve your goals to be who you want to be. Start to view your daily life as an opportunity to be your best self possible…start today…start now.
And if you liked this…forward it, retweet it, repost it…Share it!
Shawn Achor of Harvard has spent his life studying happiness and its relevance in corporate America as well as corporations around the world. Countless studies have been done to prove that happy workers not only perform better at their jobs, but actually create more profit for the companies they work for.
But, most of us are not CEO’s of Fortune Five Hundred companies. So how can we use this research in practical ways to improve our own lives? After all, if it works for corporate America, shouldn’t it work for us?
Yes it can! By practicing the same principles they do. According to studies, the minimal amount of happy/confident experiences required to increase the likelihood of success, is 3 new experiences a day. But, these experiences must be specific to our own personal preferences. And these preferences are known as, our ‘signature strengths’.
What does that mean? It means at least 3 times a day, you have to consciously engage in different things that make you feel confident and happy. Some examples: admiring the pretty flowers in someone’s garden, complimenting a co-worker, finding the humor in a situation, being grateful for a good nights sleep, learning something new, reviewing your previous successes… The key is, you have to figure out what makes YOU happy and confident and start looking for opportunities to experience more of those feelings on a daily basis.
So what makes you happy? Humor? Love of learning? Creativity? Gratitude? Curiosity? Sit for a few minutes and remember the times you were genuinely happy. What was going on? What were you doing? Did you find something funny about the situation? Were you engrossed in learning something new? Write down all the activities that contributed to your happiness.
And, when did you feel successful? What were you doing and how did it feel? For example, maybe you got the client because you were super prepared and have a knack for reading the room. Then ‘being prepared’ and ‘great people skills’ should go on your list of signature strengths. (If you want to get scientific about it, go to viasurvey.org and fill out their survey…its fun, fast, and free!)
Some of you still might think that pain and struggle is the only way to success and all this happiness talk is nonsense. Well, just to inspire you even more, here is an interesting experiment done by Margaret Shih at Harvard. She gathered a group of Asian women of the same IQ and administered a math test. But, before the test, she told them that because they were women and generally women are bad at math, she didn’t expect great scores. Not surprisingly, the women scored low. Then, a different test was administered. Only this time she told them that because the were Asian they were expected to do well because Asians are culturally better at math. You guessed it…they scored high!
Another test at Harvard, involving Doctors, proved that Doctors primed with happy feelings before seeing a patient, yielded more accurate diagnosis’ than those Doctors simply going from patient to patient. I don’t know about you, I’d rather have a happy Doctor see me the next time I’m sick!
Science has repeatedly proven that the happier and more confident you feel, the more likely you are to succeed. (and thus Corporate America has jumped on board because success = money!)
So…what if you primed yourself to feel confident before going into your job interview, pitching your project, sitting down to write, or dealing with your children? The key is to remember what makes you happy, and remind yourself of the great skills you already have (rather than what you lack).
So…think back to the times you were most happy. What was going on? What were you doing? What made you feel awesome and confident?
Get your list of 3-5 things that you can do on a daily basis to feel great, and then do them every day. (I have my list posted front and center on my journal so I start every day feeling positive and confident…and what are my signature strengths, you might ask? Gratitude, Spirituality, Humor, Love, and Fairness. So my day starts with a Gratitude list…every day.)
Again, I repeat, practice them DAILY. And more importantly, practice them purposefully and consistently when faced with challenges.
And…share! Pass this on to anyone you know who could use a happiness boost today! And feel free to share your signature strengths with me!
“CHANGE IS NEVER A MATTER OF ABILITY. IT IS ALWAYS A MATTER OF MOTIVATION”-Tony Robbins
So, here we are at the brink of a new beginning. We are inundated with messages of resolutions and self improvement. Many of us follow along and set some goals and then look back at them in frustration when, after a few months have gone by, we notice we have done little to achieve them.
Well, I encourage you to try a new approach.
Why do you want those goals in the first place?
That’s the most important question you can ask yourself when you are goal setting or looking to change something be it a bad habit, a relationship, your career…”why?”. Why do you want it to be different?
Here’s the trap…a lot of us will answer with “because I don’t want to feel ___ anymore”. In most cases, that answer pretty much insures that the change you want won’t happen.
Our brains are hard wired to “go towards things”. Particularly, things that make us feel GOOD. That’s pretty obvious, I know. But if you want to change something, you have to focus on how you WANT to feel when you have achieved that change. Not on how you don’t want to feel.
I want to lose weight.
“Because I hate the way my body feels in my clothes”…is the trap.
Instead maybe you can answer:
“Because I want to feel fabulous and confident in my clothes, I want to have more energy”…etc
I want to earn more money
“Because I’m sick of living paycheck to paycheck”…is the trap.
Instead, maybe you answer:
“Because I want to take a vacation, get my car cleaned, go out with my friends”…etc
I want to get a better job.
“Because my boss is an asshole and my life is being flushed down the toilet”…you can clearly see the trap there!
“I want to tap into my natural talents at work, I want my work to be fulfilling and soul affirming”…etc
You get the point. You have to phrase your desires in “moving towards” language. And then, focus on THAT rather than focusing on what you DON’T want to feel. Focussing on what you WANT moves you forward and brings you closer to actually getting it.
It also elicits the energy required to receive that which you want. This is not new age “woo hoo”, it’s basic physics. Low vibrational energy attracts low vibrational energy. And, high vibrational energy attracts high vibrational energy. So, focusing on what’s wrong, what’s not working…low energy thoughts…will attract more of that energy. The same is true for higher energy thoughts. Thoughts of enthusiasm, gratitude, and vitality attract more of those high energy vibrations. The old saying “ What you focus on, expands” is not self help jargon. It’s a law of physics.
And if I was breaking a habit or embarking on a new career, I’d be harnessing all the high energy I could! I’d want the law of physics on MY side.
By reframing your goals from “moving away from” (low energy) to “moving towards goals” (high energy), you can effectively get the energetic world on your side. Which leads to: better results more efficiently and with greater ease.
If you want support as you go for your New Year’s resolutions and goals, get in touch and we’ll get to work on them together.
How AWESOME are you?…how flooding good feelings helps build momentum with your actions
We are almost to the end of the year. That means celebrations, catching up with friends and family, and for some of us, it’s a time to reflect on the past year as well.
If you are looking back at the year, notice where you are placing your attention? Many of us zero in on where we fell short. Maybe you didn’t lose the weight, book the gig, find a partner, etc. Maybe some of your dreams didn’t become a reality this year…
First of all, I’m yet to meet anyone who ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISHED EVERYTHING they wanted to do! So, we’re all in the human race and we all get side tracked sometimes. Cut yourself some slack.
But more importantly, in reflecting on the year…where were you AWESOME? When and where did you kick ass? When were you hilarious, grateful, supportive, intuitive? When were you freaked out but courageous anyway?
Make this list of awesomeness LONG. Riff on all the great things you did, experienced, and created. Include the times you laughed so hard you almost peed your pants. All the goodies…reflect on them all.
Now, flood yourself with these great feelings. In other words, jump from great memory to great memory like the waves of the ocean. Remember one time, then another time, then another, then another…Let the good feelings literally flood over you and take you over completely. For the next week, do this for at least 3 minutes every day.
Aside from giving yourself a serious boost of self esteem and kick ass mojo (which should be reason enough!), this practice creates more neuro-pathways based on positive results and responses. In other words, you are not only training your brain to look for more ways to feel good, you’re programming it to take more actions to feel good. Practicing this daily, is a quick and easy way to add momentum to your goals. (and the more you practice this, the more great memories will pop up!)
So…How friggin’ great are you???
Write it out. Post it where you can see it. Keep adding to it as more great things show up.
Own Your Awesomeness.
Being grateful and knowing why you are grateful is more than just a fluffy self help practice. Conscious gratitude has a direct influence on your life as a whole.
Unfortunately, when things aren’t going so great, we tend to focus on what’s “wrong”. The problem with that is, you attract more of what you “don’t want”. Your subconscious works with images, not words. So thinking and obsessing over what’s depressing you will only bring more of it into your days. However, when you focus on what your are grateful for, you are sending an energetic signal to your subconscious and the world that you want more of those joyous things to be in your life.
What’s on your gratitude list and why?
A client of mine was struggling with work and the money was running out. I had her make a list of what she DID have and why she was grateful for it. What she had that she was most grateful for, was time. She had an abundance of time, so to speak. So instead of dwelling on her lack, she focussed on her abundance. And, without compromising her job search, she utilized her free time to volunteer. She worked with her church to provide food and support for the homeless in her area. She loved it. She had in essence found “work” that she enjoyed. She also continued to acknowledge how grateful she was for it. And soon enough, her job search turned into an actual job. And a great one. She still volunteers and is grateful for her meaningful work…both volunteered and paid.
You’ll notice, I’m not saying to pretend everything is okay and to lie to yourself. You know if you’re unhappy. But to change your situation you must first change what you focus on. Focussing on the pain brings more pain into your life. Acknowledging the good things in your life breaks that pattern and helps your mind focus on what you want vs what you don’t want.
Doing this same practice when things are going great is also helpful.
I can say I am grateful to have worked with some incredibly talented teachers in many areas of learning. Everything from piano to Pilates to knitting. I’m grateful for the amazing coaches and books that assist me as well. Why? Because if I want to change or set a new goal, I have all the tools at my disposal. And these tools help me be a better teacher and coach.
And then? My inbox gets filled with more good news from happy clients than junk mail. I sent out the message and the universe responded.
What’s already working in your life that you can be more consciously grateful for? Is there something you want more of? Why? By actively focussing on and being grateful for what you already have, you will bring more of it into your life.
One last thing, write it down. When you take the time to sit and write about something, it becomes more real to you and you will harness more energy to attract that which you want.
Do this everyday…and see how blessed you truly are.
“One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time”- Andre Gide
Your faith must be greater than your fear if you have big plans for your future. And your fear is manifested through your ego.
Your ego HATES new plans…particularly big juicy ones. Your ego’s primary interest is to keep you safe. That means no risks, no rocking the boat, no new paths and absolutely no expansion whatsoever. It wants you stuck to the trunk of the tree while your big plans require you to step onto the skinny branches further up and out. Your ego will do everything in its power to stop you from taking that risk.
Think of it as an overprotective parent. Their intentions are good: they love you and want you to be safe. But the minute there is a suggestion of anything new and unknown, they go into full panic mode and start locking all the doors and grounding you for life.
So, here’s how positive change goes for a lot of people. They take the first few steps and are rockin’ it! Synchronicity is pulling in a bunch of opportunities…and then, bam! They get laryngitis. Or crash their car. Or their smart phone dies. Deadlines encroach on their time and their money gets tight and suddenly, all that excitement and enthusiasm is gone. They get sucked back into their mundane lives.
This is classic ego at work. Your ego is setting you up to fail by using all your forms of self sabotage. It wants you to screw up…horribly. Why? So you won’t attempt to do something new and risky again. It wants you safe and stable and has no interest in anything new. To the ego, new = danger.
By knowing this, you can override your ego’s tantrums. You can become aware of the challenges cropping up. Yes, someone may have slammed into your car. But that doesn’t have to stop you from going for your goals. Get the car fixed and move on. Your day job may be interfering with your free time but you can focus on the time you DO have and capitalize on THAT. Instead of crawling in the fetal position when your iPhone dies, take a deep breath and make an appointment at Apple’s genius bar.
By seeing the issues and moving forward anyway, you can beat back the ego’s power. Also, the more often you “feel the fear and go for it anyway”, the more comfortable you will feel taking risks. The most successful people in the world, also took the biggest risks. When they failed, they failed big. But then, they dusted themselves off, learned what they could from the experience, and went back to the work of going for it.
So, yes…it feels like the universe is conspiring against you. But it isn’t. Your ego is. Your ego is moving heaven and earth to keep you stuck and safe…and bored.
Turn your focus to moving forward anyway. Get comfortable being out on the “skinny branches”, and start leaping for your dreams.