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…even when that change is good for us.

In this video, I explain why we fear change and how to overcome our fears.

And, if you are ready to change your limiting behaviors, sign up for my online workshop:

Ending Self-Sabotage

July 26th, 1-3pm (PST)

$25

email me today to sign up

Upcoming Online Workshop

led by Brigitta Dau, certified Life Coach

In this online workshop, we’ll be exploring the science behind why we are ALL are prone to self sabotage.  We’ll cultivate compassion for  ourselves as we break down our own personal forms of self sabotage.  Finally, we’ll work together to find new ways to approach our goals and create better strategies to stop ourselves from getting in our own way.

This course will include both written material and group coaching.

Sunday, July 26th, 1pm – 3pm PST (over zoom)

Cost $25

Space is limited

Contact me at brigittadau@yahoo.com to sign up today.

Upcoming Online Workshop

led by me! Brigitta Dau, certified Life Coach

In this online workshop, we’ll be exploring the science behind why we are ALL are prone to self sabotage.  We’ll cultivate compassion for  ourselves as we break down our own personal forms of self sabotage.  Finally, we’ll work together to find new ways to approach our goals and create better strategies to stop ourselves from getting in our own way.

This course will include both written material and group coaching.

Sunday, July 26th, 1pm – 3pm PST (over zoom)

Cost $25

Space is limited

Contact me at brigittadau@yahoo.com to sign up today.

“The elevator to success is broken.  You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time” – Jo Gerrard

The Japanese have a name for the strategy that relies on tiny, continuing improvements to create change.  It’s called “Kaisen”.  

And with all the people I have worked with both as a coach and a pilates instructor, I have noticed that the people who take daily baby steps towards their goals have a better chance of actually achieving their goals. In fact most of the successful people I’ve met, don’t kill themselves accomplishing tons every day.  They take small bite sized actions consistently.

This might sound counter-intuitive.  Most of us think jumping in with both feet means great big actions.  But the truth is, rarely is anything in life ‘one big action’.  It’s usually a string of small accomplishments that leads to the big accomplishment.

For example, running a marathon.  Unless you’re a top athlete, you will need to train for this goal.  Having run one myself, I can tell you the training included a lot of short runs before the long runs.

Ask any writer how they wrote their book or script?  They will likely tell you that they started with an outline and then plugged away at it daily.    

In fact, look at yourself as a child learning anything…reading, piano, tennis…you weren’t thrown onto the tennis court expecting to win a match!  You likely practiced hitting balls off the wall, then volleyed with another person, etc.

Just to prove my point even further:

Dave Brailsford was the GM and Performance Director for Team Sky (Britain’s professional cycling team).  They had never won a Tour de France until Dave Brailsford took over and implemented his “aggregation of marginal gains” strategy (taking small actions every day).  He figured if they followed this daily practice, they would win it in five years.

They won it in two.

And here’s what it is:  aim for improving 1% every day.

For example, think about your body weight.  You don’t lose or gain 50 lbs over night.  You make daily distinctions to either improve your health, or inhibit it.  The weight is either gradually shed, or gained.  

This is true for any goal you want to achieve.

But, when we are in a rut or frustrated with our current life, we want instant change and even faster results.  However, to create lasting change and achieve big goals we have to break it down to doable, small steps.  1% is more than enough.  Do the math…if you improve 1% a day…then at the end of the year you will have improved 365%!

Now for me, my 1% is based on a certain amount of time I work on a project.  Again, I make it easy to succeed (I warned you, you’ll hear that a lot in this book.) so I set the goal to work on my project 15 minutes a day.  That’s it.  That’s how this book got written.  I sat and wrote with the intention of writing for only 15 minutes.  Now obviously, if I went over and wrote for a few hours, that was great!  But, if I had said I had to write at least an hour a day?  I can assure you it would still be ‘in progress’ waiting to be completed.  By working on it for only 15 minutes a day, I actually expanded the manuscript at least 1% a day.

So, where can you improve your life by 1% today?  

Look at your goals, and decide today what a 1% improvement would look like.  What can you do TODAY to get 1% closer to your goal?  What baby steps, if taken consistently, will get you the results you want?  Then tomorrow, ask yourself the same question. Every day, decide and do whatever that 1% improvement is.

And of course, if you need support with this, get in touch and we’ll work on this together.

Most of us are looking to improve some aspect of our lives.  Whether it’s the state of our health or the balance in our bank account, usually there is an area where we’d like to see some improvement.

And, we often make big sweeping resolutions over the New Year and vow to make the changes necessary to achieve our goals.  

And now here we are, a week away from March…how’s it going with those well intentioned goals?

We’ve all experienced the “gung ho!” feeling of starting something new.  And, most of us also have felt the “fizzle” about a month later.  Then we blame ourselves for “self sabotaging, being lazy, lacking in willpower” etc.

The good news is, that’s not the case at all.  Your “fizzle” has nothing to do with a character flaw.  What caused you to stall was your reliance on your big decision to be enough to keep you motivated.

The truth is, a clear intention and a big decision have little to do with staying motivated to achieve your goals.  Finding motivation to take the steps necessary requires a different approach.

For example, maybe you decided to improve your fitness this year and joined a gym.  Both improving your health and joining a gym are excellent intentions but, we all know that the decision of ‘joining a gym’ in and of itself will not make you fit.

It will be your consistent use of the gym that will lead to your fitness level improving.  

The truth is, people’s lives are ultimately shaped by little decisions and small distinctions followed by small consistent actions.

One little decision at a time is all it takes to change your behavior and stoke your motivation.  The big decision to join a gym is great.  But the daily decision to GO to the gym is when you’ll start to see and feel a change in your health.

This works both ways… you can also create negative behaviors based on the little decisions you make.  For example, your decision to stay up every night and binge watch Netflix will affect how you sleep and how well you do the next day. Keep that up and you’ll be totally wiped out by the end of the week.  Yet, deciding to turn off the TV and getting to bed on time might have you ending your week full of extra energy.

Making those tiny consistent decisions is how you shape your life.   

So the key is to figure out when that ‘tiny decision’ needs to be made, and how to remind yourself of it in the moment of need.

Personally, I like big reminders.  And my favorite reminder is utilizing my phone.  Using the above example, I could set an alarm on my phone for 9:30 pm.  Instead of the alarm sound, I could set an inspiring song to play in that moment.  I could also name the alarm “Go to bed” or “how do I want to feel tomorrow?”.  Then, when the alarm goes off, I am instantly reminded of the goal I set for myself (get to bed on time) and this is the moment to choose to follow through.

By setting your prompts up ahead of time, you’re more likely to make the right decision in that moment.  You have created both a reminder of your goal, and the choice you would like to make in that moment.  And the more consistent you are with making that choice, the easier it gets. ( And soon, getting to bed on time will be a no brainer!) 

So forget about beating yourself up about not following through or lacking willpower.  You simply need to discern exactly WHEN you need to make a ‘little decision’.  And make that decision consistently.  

You may need support with this.  If that’s the case, please get in touch and we’ll figure it out together.

Or better yet! Sign up for my upcoming workshop! There are still a few spots available. I will be coaching all participants on strategies to implement this very principle as well as ending self sabotage, how to create momentum, and more effective ways to achieve our goals. You will go home with a doable action plan as well as skills to get out of your own way, stop self sabotage, and start living the life you want…now.

In a recent newsletter I talked about how to directly deal with our emotions rather than self sabotaging ourselves to avoid them.   One of the techniques I offered was free associative writing to drill down to our unmet needs.  (if you missed it, let me know and I’ll send it to you!)

Of course, some emotions are more difficult to manage than others.

 “Zooming Out” is another very effective way to take some of the ‘charge’ off of these experiences.

When we are caught up in our emotions (anger, fear, sadness, loneliness, etc) we tend to narrow our thoughts to focus only on what is bothering us.  We lose the ability to see outside the current moment.

And because we are all wired to want to feel good, we either fixate on the issue or distract ourselves with sabotage.

“Zooming Out” is about finding a context for your feelings that includes much more than what you are currently experiencing. 

The first step is to acknowledge you’re feeling something uncomfortable.  Maybe you can identify exactly what it is but that isn’t even really necessary for this exercise.  Just acknowledging what’s going on is the first step.

Then, you notice if there is a physical sensation going along with your emotions.  Maybe your stomach is in knots, you head is pounding, you’re starting to cry…just notice how this emotion is actually physically feeling to you.

And finally, look around the room or the space you are in.  Take in your surroundings.  Notice you are a person, having a feeling, in a body, in this space.  What else is happening at this moment?  

For example, let’s say I’m feeling lonely at the moment and I’ve identified it as a lump in my chest.  If I were to “Zoom Out” right now, here is what else I would notice:

Helicopters flying over head

My cat napping in a deep sleep

Heavy winds outside

The sun is shining

I can hear a wind chime

And…my feet are cold (as usual!)

By noticing all these things, the charge of feeling lonely is lessened.  I’m feeling what I’m feeling but in the context of a bigger picture.  Me feeling lonely is not the ONLY thing going on right now,

As always, I recommend starting small and ideally with something not too serious.  Start with a mild irritation.  Like being stuck in traffic, or a barking dog…something that has hardly any charge to it.  Notice how it’s making you feel (slightly irritated?) and notice it in your body.  Then take in what else is going on despite the traffic or the dog.  And allow yourself to feel how you’re feeling in the context of the world around you.  What ELSE is going on?

Obviously, this technique won’t solve your problems or take your emotions away.  But it WILL put you in a much better headspace to make decisions on what you could do with the situation at hand.  And at the same time, manage our moods in a way that is self supportive.

If this is an issue for you, please get in touch and we’ll work on this together.  Getting support is always a good idea.